So, how do you live?
I know how to recover. Eat, promise to eat, eat more. Stand in the mirror, promise yourself that your being is beautiful. That the growing stomach and thighs are just growing with power over your toxic mind. Insist you are perfect and wonderful until you believe it.
But how do you actually live?
How do you not write, think, breathe the ghost of your disorder? You’ve spent a decade slowly killing yourself from the inside out. How do you find yourself without your sickness? I can’t help but wonder what will happen to me when I am no longer the snide, sick bitch with puke stains on her cheek. I can’t help but wonder how will they react when you are no longer a dying patient. Who will I become when I can no longer introduce myself as the girl with an eating disorder?
How do you live?"
- Michelle K., How Do You Live? (via michellekpoems)
- Erica Jong
Eating something delicious should be nothing but a delicious experience. “Hey, girl, you shouldn’t be eating that. You’re gonna get fat!” Of all the things you want to hear while walking to the subway at 11 p.m. on a …
I have urges to write but nothing to say.
It’s been days. Weeks? A while. And still I can’t put my thoughts into words. Images into sentences. Describe what is happening.
I don’t know what is happening.
John Barrowman’s kiss and a plea for equality in Scotland
I am wearing dress today and short sleeves because it is really hot and I LOVE wearing dresses so I thought, “why not?”
I am so self-conscious.
But fu*k it. This is my body. It is the only one I have, it is the only one I will get, it works pretty damn well and if I want to wear a dress to be comfy on a hot day…there is no reason why I shouldn’t.
My body is just that. A body. It is not who I am, it does not need to be changed to be accepted. Nothing is perfect but my body is GOOD ENOUGH JUST AS IT IS.