Balancing States of Mind

buttonpoetry:

Megan Maughan - “5 Reasons to Date a Girl With an Eating Disorder”

"Push her so far into the mattress that she disappears completely. She will say your name over and over and over until she forgets her own."

Performing for Indiana University at the 2014 College Unions Poetry Slam Invitational.

Describe my blog in terms of “came for the _____, stayed for the _____”

(Source: askboxmemes, via pestilentbydesign)

I need to buy something for my snack this afternoon because I am meeting a friend for coffee before I see my support worker so am out all afternoon (most of my snacks are not easily portable because I am always home mid-afternoon).

This is NOT a big deal. I knew where I would be and what I would get and all was good….except I just saw something else I kind of want to try and now I can’t puck between the two and I feel like crying.

Why are decisions so freaking HARD? There is nothing “wrong” or “better” about either one…. I Just can’t pick.

Sometimes I think life was easier when my food choices were limited by a million rules and decisions were easier by process of elimination.

Now, even with as many restrictions and rules as I still struggle with, IT IS TOO MANY DECISIONS FOR MY TINY BRAIN.

"but just know that staying in limbo between relapsing and recovering will kill you"

- reinventingmysoul (via hadassah-means-esther)

(via highest-against-the-wind)

vulnerableroe asked: stay strong, we can do this! love to you Xx

Thank you so much :) x

I feel so “all over the place” after today.

I KIND of had a feeling that I would be going IP tomorrow (just for another long weekend) but after the video conference call (which was completely unexpected…), although it is theoretically in the pipeline, it is going to be set up for next week- I THINK. Nothing is 100% definite yet. I have to go meet with the dietitian in person and that….is going to be difficult. I am not great with explaining or trying to describe how or why I eat the way I eat. It just is how it is.  But for the sake of a kitchen accommodating my diet, it needs labeled and for that to happen, I need to justify a label I don’t want (I do not like labels!)

So meanwhile….I had kind of thought this might be happening in a much more straightforward way tomorrow (I am glad it isn’t because I would rather it is set up properly than thrown together- this will be the first of 3 long weekend admissions over the next 3-4 months) but I hadn’t really planned anything beyond tomorrow morning and now I am all….disorientated and not really sure what I am doing.

I also have literally no food left at home so I guess that is the first thing I need to do tomorrow morning….!

Then hopefully the meeting on Monday will clear things up a bit. I don’t like having all this uncertainty around.