- Hugh Laurie (via miss-karl)
There will come a time when you want to cut off all your hair. Do it. Realise that the thing you want rid of doesn’t lie in the long curls that frame your face so perfectly. Live with short hair for a while. It’ll grow.
You won’t always want to talk to people. That’s okay. When it’s late and you hear your friends talking in the next room, you don’t have to join them. You’re allowed your solitude. It makes company sweeter and it teaches you how to survive alone. You will need that skill.
In the winter, you’ll believe that nothing will ever grow again. You’re wrong. Every year, London looks like it’s on its last legs, wheezing through those last cold days in March. Every year, spring comes like an explosion and the city shakes off its sleep.
Mundane problems will get the better of you sometimes. Don’t worry. Try as you might, life cannot be an endless, beautiful, intense moment. Find comfort in money worries and late trains; they’re a welcome rest in between heartbreaks and breakdowns.
People will call you a cynic, a wry smile on their faces. Pay them no mind. You alone know that you are capable of a love greater than anything they can comprehend. You alone know that you are not willing to sell your identity and respect to the first smirking halfwit to pass by. It is not cynicism. It is reverence for your own vast and fathomless heart, and it makes sense only to love someone who understands that and is awed by it.
You will not always get what you want when you want it. Accept it. Your goals are not set in stone and you are not on a fixed trajectory. Sometimes, life will take its time and you will have to play the long, interminable game. Play it well and with as much grace as you can muster. Live at your own pace.
At night, you will occasionally wake up afraid, wanting to die. Don’t give in. Night plays its tricks, but you are not so easily fooled. Your mind will play its tricks, too. It will make you believe that you’re not who you are, but you must not give in. You take a breath and you tell yourself that you are here. That you always were."
- Practical Advice for Difficult Women (#20 - 9th December)
Do it afraid. Guess what? Recovery is fucking terrifying. You should be scared. It is long, painful, and sometimes things get worse before they get better. Trying to cut corners because your scared isn’t doing you any favors. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to cry through your meal if you have to. But you have to keep trying. Do it afraid, that’s how you heal.
- ~ C. JoyBell C. (via littledotty)
Sometimes in life you’ll have long periods of bad times. We’ll call these bad times “storms”. So when storms come along, we take shelter. “Shelter” is the ways of coping with the bad times temporarily. It can be good shelter that can withstand the storm such as a way to vent like writing, drawing, singing etc. Or it can be bad shelter; shelter that doesn’t hold over through the whole storm that can end up either useless, harmful or both. Bad shelter is things such as self harm, alcoholism, drug use, etc. are known as bad ways of coping with pain and bad times. Depending on what shelter you use will be the outcome. In a good shelter, you can wait out the storm safe and sound. Good shelter can lead temporary happiness turning into real happiness. The bad shelter can cause the storm to seem worse that it is. That’s why it’s always better to use good shelter.
And the thing about storms is there’s always the eye of the storm where things are calm and nice. And in the calm before the storm you have true happiness. The true happiness during the eye of the storm can last for a minute, a day, a week, a month, etc. Those are the moments you have to remember. Because once the storm starts again, you have to take shelter or deal with it head on. When you use the happiness in your life and let it overcome the bad, the storms pass quicker and eventually you’ll end up in a seasonal “drought” where you are truly happy. Though the droughts don’t last forever and the rain comes back, the storms don’t last forever either. And those drought times will be the best times of your life.
Today got better :)
This morning got off to a bad start- I am learning that I need to plan my time better. Me + “time to kill” = recipe for disaster. I did originally have plans for today but they fell through last night and after such a bad day yesterday, i wasn’t in a great frame of mind when I went to sleep so didn’t really think through today.
So it started rocky.
I ended up coming home for lunch and I picked up some soup to have to make up the extra amount. I was calmer by then and took the opportunity to just pick myself back up again. A rough morning doesn’t mean a whole day is ruined, right? Every moment is a new chance.
After lunch, I headed back out to do some Christmas shopping before meeting my support worker. Just as I was leaving, my friend sent me a message to say she had just left work if I was free for a coffee- HELL YES. So that was nice. We made some plans for next week too which will be fun.
Then I had just enough time to get my prescription and grab something for my snack before meeting my support worker- I didn’t have my normal hours of looking at a million different shops before choosing what to get and instead spent 30 seconds trying to figure out which, out of 2 options, I REALLY wanted (as opposed to which I thought was “better” for some reason- they were both, essentially, similar- I make these things complicated).
I had sent a text to my support worker saying, "I want to do something really random and fun- swing park?" so that was the plan but it had started to rain and I was so tired having been out all day that we ended up just relaxing in a coffee shop for ages….
….then we walked back to my flat, passing a busker who was “writing improvised poems on any topic for £1”. We stopped and listened to him sing and started chatting and he asked me to give him a topic and he would write me a poem for free.
So now, on my fridge, I have an awesome wee poem about “the meaning of life” that a really cute guy wrote for me and today has ended on a really nice note :)